Bench Brothers

The idea of this blog started from the crazy dating experiences I have encountered. My friends have heard the stories, but I feel that many people would relate or maybe find peace knowing they are not the only ones.

Admiring a 6'3 toxic man who is sure to be disappointing

This is a rough draft of the beginning excerpt to give you an idea of what the rest of the book will be like. I hope you giggle, and if you are single in this dating era, I hope you remember that it is possible to give love while also choosing peace!

"Please don’t get too excited. I wouldn’t consider myself a writer, nor would anybody who has seen my academic work. I have no business writing my thoughts into a chapter, but my life is comical—my love life even more so. I have had the privilege of not only experiencing love but losing it. And let me tell you when you lose your best friend, your world tumbles for a while until you can regain control.

Each of these circumstances was noteworthy, but the most notable was being deemed a “slut”. Trust me, we will get to that story eventually. Before we get there, I must prepare you with what you are about to read. You may feel triggered, sad, and probably overwhelmingly angry at me. Yes @ me. It is understandable. There were far too many moments when I chose my emotions over the tiniest bit of common sense. Some of it was being you and naive, but more so stubbornness. No matter how long the lesson took to learn, all of it was meant to happen just as it did.

Like so many other little girls, I dreamed of finding my prince charming. The one built-in fairytale, where he sweeps me off my feet, gives his dying devotion to me, and we live happily ever after. I just never realized that it would take seventeen (and counting) prince charmings’ to find my king. And honestly, "Prince Charming" gives too much credit to some of these men, so I shall refer to them as brothers.

If you razzle, ima dazzle

Throughout my life, I have had periods of active dating. Everyone's definition is different, but I always viewed this as going on dates with multiple people, texting numerous people, and then forgetting about, well.. most people. Post my first real love, I referred to the multiple men I was chatting with as “brothers of my roster”. Douchey, perhaps, but finding your love is somewhat of a game. And you know what they say..

Don’t hate the player.. hate the game.

Anyways. Between the nature of dating now (cue headache), immature communication, and a gap in general interest, my roster always fluctuated. When men were no longer shooting 3’s, or simply fouling out, they were benched. Nine times out of ten, I would let them (please imagine Lebron's end-game theatrics). But the game would continue, and they would eventually ask to be put back in. I have learned over the years that they often felt they had earned their spot. But unlike most basketball games, there was rarely another opportunity for players to have more game time.

It wasn't just my game, of course. My friends were the angry parents rolling their eyes at the coach's kid. My family was in a similar boat, mostly questioning the referee's calls and yelling from the stands. Tank was the financial sponsor, and he made it clear by giving bombastic side-eye and blatantly ignoring those he did not like. With each passing season, the players got better. However, so did the scandal.

As we go through the bench, I ask you to remember a few things. First, growth is beautiful and messy. Second, you can love someone and not know them. And lastly, I don’t think illy of the past men in my life. They made decisions and have to live with them, and I do, too. I suggest you light a candle, find some tissues, and grab a bottle of wine. You are in for one hell of a season."